After a long and rather diverse yet somewhat mysterious career, Dr. Folgan P. Wittyparp
came to work at Cramer Fish Sciences as the Staff Philosopher. Although he
holds the rare "double doctorate" — both a medical doctor and a Doctor
of Philosophy — no one is exactly sure what his particular areas of
expertise are.
Responsibilities: It is uncertain what Wittyparp does
at Cramer Fish Sciences. Although his title of "Philosopher" might indicate
some kind of staff morale officer, the fact that no one has ever actually seen
Folgan in person may lead one to believe he could be in charge of security or
some other esoteric and secretive function within the Cramer Fish Sciences
corporate structure.
Projects/Services: Dr. Wittyparp's name seems to be mentioned
in IT updates and other internal staff communications. Further, his presence
can be felt, despite being physically absent, during weekly staff meetings
and other employee gatherings. Clients seem to be blisfully unaware of
Folgan's existence at Cramer Fish Sciences and his utter lack of billable hours
confirms this. If Dr. Wittyparp works on client projects, it is in absentia
and without cost.
Background: Dr. Wittyparp's background can only be surmised
through collective rumor and speculation. What is known is that he is a medical
doctor and that he holds a Ph.D. in Philosophy, although where he received his
training and education is unknown. Some speculate he served in the Israeli Army
in the 1970's, while others think he is a nuclear scientist from the former Soviet Republic of
Khazikstan.
No one knows what Folgan P. Wittyparp looks like, and although some have claimed to
have overheard his voice while working an all-nighter, those claims
have been unsubstantiated. It has been surmised that Dr. Wittyparp is an older
man, based on his presumably numerous years of experience, but to date the only
thing that can be confirmed is his distinctly witty sense of humor and
breadth of knowledge.
Personal: It is rumored that Folgan is a black belt in Kung Fu, learned
while serving with Doctors Without Borders in Nepal. He is an
excellent cook (based on some of his left-overs found in the breakroom
refrigerator) and further rumor indicates he enjoys knitting and is a three-time
Masters Champion in the 100 and 200 meter dog paddle. |
